Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater.

Ever the fan of critical analysis of pop-culture, Sandra Bullock's recent marital woes have had me thinking a lot about cheating. No, not cheating on someone but on the phenomenon of cheating in general.


Usually, when the infidelities of a celebrity get aired for our viewing pleasure the circumstance usually allows us to judge quickly, enjoy the mayhem, and then move on. You know, it seems to always be someone "giving a ride" to a transvestite street walker, or bangin' the nanny, or keeping 20 mistresses; situations that we can, beyond capture our own moral guage, look upon and give the unanimous appeal of "what were they thinking?!"

I find the James and Bullock debacle to be something different.

I choose to maintain the belief that Sandra is a genuinely "nice" person (as far as celebrities go) who has never been about dating all her costars and running to the chapel. Also, judging by her sincere comments in her acceptance speeches about James, I think we can agree that some genuine affection was had. By both parties.

Yeah, yeah, many of you will run off to say well he obviously didn't love her enough to not cheat. Well, true, but cheating is often more than just a reflection of the love someone may or may not have for the other person. This particular celebrity break up, has had me wondering about this last statement quite a bit.

What role does lifestyle play in the motivations and, perhaps, rationality behind people who cheat?

It seems pretty obvious that James' lifestyle was a lifestyle distinct from Bullocks. Lifestyle, of course, does not dictate character but it does provide insight into the psyche of a person. Namely, James' is comin' from the tattooed, biker, I used to be married to a porn star side of the tracks and Bullock from the Hollywood A-list, red-carpet premiere, interviews with Oprah side. I wonder how much of their distinct lifestyles affected his cheating.

I had a friend who swore that she and her fiancé were steadfast believers in polyamorous relationships. Of course, once they actually began to explore polyamory, they soon broke up fighting for the affection of the same person. As much as we westerners like to tout the sacrosanct morality of monogamy, there are many cultures that don't.

Cheating, of course, is not really an issue of polyamory but of betrayal of trust, but if, as a culture, we embraced polyamorous relationships would Jesse and Sandra be making any sort of waves? It seems Jesse, despite or, perhaps, in spite (what do I know); of his genuine affection for Sandra attempted to find a way to participate in a sexual life that he could not have with Sandra?

Again, take away all issues of trust, I firmly believe that sex is not synonymous with love or any form of emotional affection. It can be one of, if not the most, intimate acts we can share with a person but that is wholly contingent on what the other person means to us already, not in the act of sex itself.

So, my ultimate question is, is cheating always a "deal breaker" when it comes to relationships? Agreed, violations of trust and deception most definitely are but, does having sex with other people while in a committed relationship always constitute said violations?

In the inimatable words of Tina Turner:

What's Love Got To Do With It?!